Don't Ignore the Tears

Sometimes words aren't as important as we think.

The focus of this blog is clearly on my work with children in families impacted by addiction.  But I can't ignore the fact that interacting with young kids and their parents is a painful reminder to me of another medical diagnosis shrouded in secrecy and silence.

Infertility.

More than one out of eight couples receive this diagnosis. Like addiction, it's a disease that does not discriminate and is often accompanied by stigma and shame.

April 22 through 28 is National Infertility Awareness Week. I wrote a little about my own experience with infertility a few months ago, and in honor of this week, I'd like to share another story.

There are numerous examples of what NOT to say to someone who is dealing with infertility. It can be more difficult to describe what TO say or do when someone you love is going through the experience.

Breaking Through

About ten years ago, I went through a life-changing experience.  I attended the Breakthrough program at the Caron Foundation.  At the time I registered, I didn't know much about the process.  I just knew that I was struggling with unresolved issues that were affecting my life, and I needed help.  My emotions were interfering with my work, and it was time for some serious self-care.

I set off for a week-long stay in the countryside of western Pennsylvania with 24 other participants. When I called to register, the intake counselor had seemed a bit evasive. When I asked her to describe what we would be doing each day she assured me that the process would be hopeful and healing, but didn't get into details.

April Awareness

Are you a professional working with a child who is in the child welfare system?

If so, here is a question you should be asking:  

Is there substance abuse in the home? 

More often then not there is.

April is National Prevent Child Abuse Month. Substance abuse and child abuse go hand-in-hand. Check out these "sobering" statistics:*

• One-third to two-thirds of all child maltreatment cases involve substance use.
• Children whose parents abuse alcohol and others drugs are three times more likely to experience physical abuse, and four times more likely to experience neglect.
• Two-thirds of people in treatment for substance abuse reported being abused or neglected as children.

Help families access the support they need to break the generational cycle of addiction and abuse in their families. For more information see the following websites:  Child Welfare and NACoA

Gathered from the following sources: Child Welfare and NIDA

A Recovery Enhancer

Family recovery from addiction needs to involve everyone.  More often than not, children are left out of the process.  Many treatment centers offer family programs, but very few include services specific to children.  So you would think that professionals who have access to these services would jump at the opportunity to enroll clients and their kids.  Sometimes not so much.

There is a misconception that involving children in the process is a relapse trigger for the client.  Comments such as "they're not ready" or "my client just needs to focus on themselves" and "their sobriety comes first" are not uncommon.

I agree - a parent's sobriety has to come first, otherwise they will not be able to parent. But I disagree that involving their children is a mistake.  The relapse trigger is NOT including kids in recovery.

The reality is, parenting is a relapse trigger.  And what a struggle it must be to have to continue to perform the difficult task of parenting to children who do not understand what is happening in their family.