On Being Real...

My sister, Katie, is amazing with kids.  She was a classroom teacher for ten years and is currently an assistant principal at an elementary school in New York City.  Two years ago, she and a colleague started the school, taking over a failing one, and this year it was awarded with an A rating by the Department of Education.  Needless to say, I am quite proud of her.  She's my baby sister and I am amazed at what she has accomplished.


About five years ago, I spent the day with Katie and her second-grade class at her school in the heart of Brooklyn. She's one of those teachers that makes things interesting and engaging, and clearly the kids loved to be with her.  She's also a teacher that never once had to raise her voice.  In a classroom of 23 kids she didn't need to. With a look or a gesture, children would step in line. They liked my sister, had a great deal of respect for her, and she for them.  If you have that, classroom management falls into place. Katie was the teacher in the building who would be chosen to have those "difficult" kids placed in her room, because, quite simply, those kids thrived with her.  She had numerous requests from parents who knew of her reputation, and wanted their child to spend their second grade year with her. That's how good she is.


We have had many conversations about working with children.  Conversations about the importance of high expectations, mutual respect and clear direction. Even though we both work with kids in different capacities, there is a lot of overlap in what we do.  Just like in a support group, the most effective learning environment for children is a safe, supportive classroom where the teacher actively engages them. They then become free to learn.

The other evening we were chatting about my Dad.  A recent retiree after 38 years of teaching music to high school students, he is continuing to work as a substitute teacher.  My sister informed me that he had called and needed advice, as next week he is scheduled to sub in a fourth grade classroom.  "Whoa", I said, "Has he ever even been in an elementary school classroom?"  My sister sighed, "No, not ever.  We talked for a while and I emailed him some pointers.  He neglected to realize that he'll be spending all day with them, it's not like high school."

I asked her to summarize what advice she had given him.  There were the usual things; follow through, move quickly through the activities, have several back-up lessons, be in charge, etc.  But one thing she said really resonated with me.  Her most important piece of advice to him was this one: 

 "If you start your day by telling them a personal story...they will listen to you more easily...you become real to them."

I stopped her there. I asked her to explain what she meant by that.  She stated  that what matters most to kids is that you are real.  They need to know that you are a person, with a story, and feelings just like them. They need to know that you have a life filled with fun, experiences, drama and sometimes struggles.  And that's okay.  Because that's what life is all about, ups-and-downs. 

In that one conversation I realized this is what makes my sister so great with kids.  She just gets it.  She doesn't look at them merely as "students." She's see them as unique human beings, just like her, who walk into the classroom with their own history and experiences, and she respects that.  


No matter what kind of work you do with children it is absolutely essential that you are "real."  Kids have radar that detects when you are not.  My sister is absolutely right.  When it comes down to it, children don't want you to always have all of the answers, they don't expect you to be an expert in everything, and they won't automatically listen to you just because you are the adult in charge. What matters to them, above all else, is quite simply, that you are real.